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You are here: Home / Life / How To Become A Resilient Parent

How To Become A Resilient Parent

May 6, 2019 By Kari 2 Comments

Am I screwing up our kid?

Ever ask yourself that question? A couple of weeks ago, I attended the Children’s Mental Health Conference in my hometown of Edmonton, Canada. That exact question was posed to the audience, and almost everybody in the room put up their hand. I believe it’s a pretty normal thing to constantly question our parenting skills.

With no official rule book on how to parent (and a TON of resources to choose from), determining how to manage challenging situations with your kids can be exhausting and confusing.

When deciding which sessions to attend at the conference, I focused on what would specifically help me as a mom. I was searching for coping skills for toddler tantrums, tactics to use for teaching and discipline, and ideas on how to become an even better mom to our son Wyatt.

I’m not even close to having it all figured out, but I wanted to pass along a few pointers I learned at the conference (and some I already had in my dress pocket). Keep reading for a few helpful tips!

How To Become A Resilient Parent

  1. Identify and Understand Triggers. Registered Psychologist Jenni Daines suggests parenting attitudes and responses relate to our own experiences as children. It’s up to us to identify triggers and work through them, so we can respond in the present moment, not based on something we experienced in the past.
  2. Practice Self-Compassion. Be nice to yourself! Identify your inner critic, and tell it to take a hike! Acknowledge (with compassion) your negative feelings, and be warm and understanding to yourself.
  3. Understand ‘Flipping Your Lid’. Take a look at this visual to fully grasp this concept. Be aware of when you have flipped your lid. In this state, you no longer have the ability to feel empathy, think before you act, or regulate emotions. If we can recognize when we’ve entered this state, it’s easier to pull back and figure out how to deal.
  4. Mindfulness. Practice being present. I have so many challenges with this. I’m the person mentally writing out the grocery list while laying in Shavasana at yoga! The theory is, with mindfulness, we’re better able to recognize patterns in order to reprogram our brains. Keep reading below for more tips…

A Few More Tips

5. Be Your Best Self. Determine what brings you calm and joy. The activities will be different for everyone. I know I need exercise, rest, and alone time (even 20 minutes to myself). I believe you need to take care of yourself to properly take care of others. Other ideas: meditation (even two minutes), yoga, tai chi, prayer, drinks with friends, etc.

6. Time Outs + Deep Breaths. I give myself timeouts all the time! Most times, I can identify when I’m going to boil over, so I remove myself from the situation (while ensuring our child is safe). I’ll leave the room and take a few deep breaths, then return to where our little guy is. I always explain to him what I just did. “Mommy needed a moment to calm down.” By doing this, he also learns a great tactic for chilling out in an intense situation.

7. Identify Emotions. Whatever you’re feeling, give it a name and say it out loud. Then, teach your child to do the same thing. “I’m feeling frustrated!” By saying it out loud, you’re letting your kid know where you’re at, and teaching them it’s essential to express how we’re feeling in order to determine how to cope.

Remind yourself that you are the parent and they are the child! It’s up to us to display the behaviour we wish for our little ones. I’ll leave you with one of my favourite parenting quotes: “When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it’s our job to share our calm, not join their chaos.” ~L.R Knost

Photos: Dallas Curow Photography

Please share your thoughts and any tips you may have in the comment section below!

Pin this to your Parenting Tips and Motherhood boards and don’t forget to follow me on Pinterest here!

 

Other Posts You’ll Like:

Five Fun Ways To Encourage Your Toddler To Be Independent

Time Saver: Mompreneur Tips

My Breastfeeding Confessions

 

xx

Related

Filed Under: Life, Motherhood, Parenting Chats, Self-Care

Comments

  1. Deb says

    May 6, 2019 at 8:59 pm

    When my eldest twins were small they would help each other get into all kinds of shenanigans. Now that they are in their 30’s they still do. I believe in natural consequences and guilt by association. If one of my kids was doing something and the other kids knew it was wrong yet let it continue they would all suffer the consequence. They learned very quickly how to step in and stop each other from going to far. (They didnt want to clean up a mess they werent responsible for).That being said,the consequence needs to be age appropriate as well as natural. If a 3 year old gets into a flour bin and ends up covered in flour and the other joins in the fun…dont get upset…get the camera! These moments are blessings in disguise and great teaching moments. Lol

    Reply
  2. Jane McDade says

    May 6, 2019 at 10:36 pm

    Love this Kari. Thank you. I too have attend that conference and it is great. My big thing and still is my big thing to reach out for help. Not an easy thing for me to do. However I just needed to say I cannot do all of this sometimes and I really recognize that it does take a community to raise our kids.

    Reply

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Lifestylist + Blogger: KariSkelton.com
Mom to Wyatt, Moses🐾 + Monroe🐾
Babe on the way! (06/22)
❤ @ryanjespersen
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Kari Skelton | Motherhood
when you feel like you've hit your max bump but th when you feel like you've hit your max bump but there's still nine weeks to go. 😳

It's truly amazing what our bodies can do. 💛

#31weeks #sunsoutbumpsout #beachball
Life update. ❤ I’ll be keeping this piece of Life update. ❤

I’ll be keeping this piece of art forever. Wyatt painted this for me back in January, when I was isolated with Covid. I taped it up on the wall beside the bed during my stay in our guest room. If you zoom in, you’ll see me in the front with the big baby belly. (Wyatt calls me ‘big belly’ these days!)

Rainbows represent promise, hope, and new beginnings. 

It's been a rough past few weeks for our family, hence my absence online. Thank you so much for your messages of love, concern, and support. They mean so much to us. I know I share a lot with you on here, but I’m not going to get into details this time. Just know we're doing alright. Junebug is great (and kicking and rolling around non-stop!), Wyatt is awesome per usual, and Ryan and I are rock solid.

I had to take a break from work. My main focus has always been (and will
always be) protecting the peace, health, and well-being of our family unit. 

Social media can be a beautiful place where connection and inspiration happens. Unfortunately, it can also foster hurtful and harmful attacks. I’ve learned so much over these past few weeks, and have deeply reflected on my presence and future plans online. I’ll share more soon, but for now, I just wanted to check in, say a sincere thanks, and let you know we’re all good. ❤️
The moment I found out. September 22, 2021. I’ll The moment I found out. September 22, 2021. I’ll be honest - the first trimester wasn’t great. There were moments of joy (like this one) but it was filled with anxiety, scary moments, and a few hurdles. 

🤰I’m playing catchup on some pregnancy blog posts but I wanted to make sure this was up, especially for those who have been following our journey. 

👉 Head on over to KariSkelton.com for ‘Pregnancy Q&A: The First Trimester’ where I get into all of it. Link is in my bio.

❔️Please ask any questions. That’s the whole reason why I share about this. I believe sharing our experiences and personal stories helps all of us feel less alone and often validates what we’re going through. 

(If you can believe it, I took a video of the exact moment I found out but it disappeared from my files. Poof! Gone.💨 Of all the videos to lose…. 🙈 But very happy to have this photo).

#pregnancystories #motherhoodrising #motherhoodunites #Canadianblogger #Canadianmom
Contest Closed. Congrats to our winner @michelle_q Contest Closed. Congrats to our winner @michelle_quay! Thanks to all of you for entering! ❤

➡️ Giveaway! To celebrate @fresonbros first birthday tomorrow (Saturday, March 5), we’re giving away a $250 Freson Bros. GC! 🥳

You’re invited to pop down to the party between 11-5 to celebrate with us! 🎉There’s birthday torte, a whole bunch of perks, specialty tastings, and additional in-store giveaways, including a beautiful Camp Chef XT Wood Pellet Grill! 🙆‍♀️

To enter our $250 GC Giveaway:

👉 Make sure you follow me @kariskelton and @fresonbros.

👉 Like this post.

👉 tag some friends who would love this!

✨️ Bonus entry: Head to KariSkelton.com and leave a comment on my ‘Freson Bros. Turns One’ blog post (make sure to add your IG handle in that comment so we know who you are). 

*This giveaway is open to Canadian residents only and is in no way endorsed or supported by Instagram. The winner must be able to pick up the $250 gift card prize at Freson Bros. Edmonton 5139 Mullen Rd. Contest closes Friday, March 4 at 11:59 pm MST. The winner will be announced on this post before 9 a.m MST Saturday, March 5. 

🚨*PLEASE watch out for impersonation accounts that unfortunately sometimes pop up during giveaways. I will only reach out to you via DM from my account (@kariskelton) to confirm your win and then we’ll coordinate details via email only.
Load More… Follow on Instagram

kariskelton

Lifestylist + Blogger: KariSkelton.com
Mom to Wyatt, Moses🐾 + Monroe🐾
Babe on the way! (06/22)
❤ @ryanjespersen
motherhood | style | recipes 👇

Kari Skelton | Motherhood
when you feel like you've hit your max bump but th when you feel like you've hit your max bump but there's still nine weeks to go. 😳

It's truly amazing what our bodies can do. 💛

#31weeks #sunsoutbumpsout #beachball
Life update. ❤ I’ll be keeping this piece of Life update. ❤

I’ll be keeping this piece of art forever. Wyatt painted this for me back in January, when I was isolated with Covid. I taped it up on the wall beside the bed during my stay in our guest room. If you zoom in, you’ll see me in the front with the big baby belly. (Wyatt calls me ‘big belly’ these days!)

Rainbows represent promise, hope, and new beginnings. 

It's been a rough past few weeks for our family, hence my absence online. Thank you so much for your messages of love, concern, and support. They mean so much to us. I know I share a lot with you on here, but I’m not going to get into details this time. Just know we're doing alright. Junebug is great (and kicking and rolling around non-stop!), Wyatt is awesome per usual, and Ryan and I are rock solid.

I had to take a break from work. My main focus has always been (and will
always be) protecting the peace, health, and well-being of our family unit. 

Social media can be a beautiful place where connection and inspiration happens. Unfortunately, it can also foster hurtful and harmful attacks. I’ve learned so much over these past few weeks, and have deeply reflected on my presence and future plans online. I’ll share more soon, but for now, I just wanted to check in, say a sincere thanks, and let you know we’re all good. ❤️
The moment I found out. September 22, 2021. I’ll The moment I found out. September 22, 2021. I’ll be honest - the first trimester wasn’t great. There were moments of joy (like this one) but it was filled with anxiety, scary moments, and a few hurdles. 

🤰I’m playing catchup on some pregnancy blog posts but I wanted to make sure this was up, especially for those who have been following our journey. 

👉 Head on over to KariSkelton.com for ‘Pregnancy Q&A: The First Trimester’ where I get into all of it. Link is in my bio.

❔️Please ask any questions. That’s the whole reason why I share about this. I believe sharing our experiences and personal stories helps all of us feel less alone and often validates what we’re going through. 

(If you can believe it, I took a video of the exact moment I found out but it disappeared from my files. Poof! Gone.💨 Of all the videos to lose…. 🙈 But very happy to have this photo).

#pregnancystories #motherhoodrising #motherhoodunites #Canadianblogger #Canadianmom
Contest Closed. Congrats to our winner @michelle_q Contest Closed. Congrats to our winner @michelle_quay! Thanks to all of you for entering! ❤

➡️ Giveaway! To celebrate @fresonbros first birthday tomorrow (Saturday, March 5), we’re giving away a $250 Freson Bros. GC! 🥳

You’re invited to pop down to the party between 11-5 to celebrate with us! 🎉There’s birthday torte, a whole bunch of perks, specialty tastings, and additional in-store giveaways, including a beautiful Camp Chef XT Wood Pellet Grill! 🙆‍♀️

To enter our $250 GC Giveaway:

👉 Make sure you follow me @kariskelton and @fresonbros.

👉 Like this post.

👉 tag some friends who would love this!

✨️ Bonus entry: Head to KariSkelton.com and leave a comment on my ‘Freson Bros. Turns One’ blog post (make sure to add your IG handle in that comment so we know who you are). 

*This giveaway is open to Canadian residents only and is in no way endorsed or supported by Instagram. The winner must be able to pick up the $250 gift card prize at Freson Bros. Edmonton 5139 Mullen Rd. Contest closes Friday, March 4 at 11:59 pm MST. The winner will be announced on this post before 9 a.m MST Saturday, March 5. 

🚨*PLEASE watch out for impersonation accounts that unfortunately sometimes pop up during giveaways. I will only reach out to you via DM from my account (@kariskelton) to confirm your win and then we’ll coordinate details via email only.
Load More… Follow on Instagram

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